happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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