Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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