i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
