i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
