Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
