you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
