And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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