i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
