I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
