She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
