Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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