i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize