You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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