you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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