She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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