i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
