My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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