singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
