at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
