I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
