a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
