I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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