I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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