the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
