Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
