u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
