okay pat passed out under dana's car
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you win again, gameday.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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