Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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