I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
