I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
