I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
