i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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