My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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