I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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