my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
