Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
