I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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