we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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