My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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