Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
