There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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