Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
