I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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