After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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