This is not my ceiling
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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