is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize