question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
