soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
