My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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