Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
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