also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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