he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
