Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
