I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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