Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
