im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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