im six kinds of drunk right now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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