if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
