I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
