Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just googled if crying burns calories
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These tits shall not be calmed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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