WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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