i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
