Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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