By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
