i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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