I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize