I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i love accidental penises.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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