you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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