ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
