not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
