I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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