ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
