do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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