after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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