I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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