I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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