two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
