So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
