There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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