Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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