Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
